10. From the Garden of Eden to Canaan via Harry Potter

According to both fundamentalist and critical scholars, God was such an idiot that first he called Abraham from Ur of Chaldea to Canaan because he wanted to replace the evil Canaanites with the descendants of Abraham who could only be saints, then brought a great famine over the world just to force Joseph’s brothers to bow down to his feet so that all the descendants of Abraham ended up slaves in Egypt, and God did all that in order to prove his mighty power by bringing the Israelites out of Egypt. Of course, the Israelites could have ended up being the upper class in Egypt just as they are in most countries today, but then what opportunity would God have had to use his mighty power? Since God has nothing to do with so much power, why not enslave your favorites to create some opportunities to use your power just to have some fun and not die of boredom? Since according to this view it would be so boring for God not to do anything with that mighty power, he decided that the Egyptians should turn the Israelites into slaves as an appreciation for the fact that Joseph saved them from starvation by depriving them of everything they had and turned them into slaves in order to use his mighty power to prove that he can bring the Israelites out of Egypt:

Now a new king arose over Egypt, who did not know Joseph. He said to his people, “Look, the Israelite people are more numerous and more powerful than we. Come, let us deal shrewdly with them, or they will increase and, in the event of war, join our enemies and fight against us and escape from the land.” Therefore they set taskmasters over them to oppress them with forced labor. They built supply cities, Pithom and Rameses, for Pharaoh. But the more they were oppressed, the more they multiplied and spread, so that the Egyptians came to dread the Israelites. The Egyptians became ruthless in imposing tasks on the Israelites, and made their lives bitter with hard service in mortar and brick and in every kind of field labor. They were ruthless in all the tasks that they imposed on them (Exod 1:8‑14).

Who says that this biblical God does not know how to bless his favorites? Now God is back to square one and has to come up with another Abraham to take his descendants from another Garden of Eden back to Canaan.


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